Christmas with the Cullens
by Pocket1122
Summary: Bella spends the holidays with the Cullens and Alice gets them to play a variety of Christmas games.
1. The Invitation

**Christmas with the Cullens**

**Chapter 1 **

**The invitation**

**A/N: This is my first fanfic, so please review. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own _Twilight, _or any of its characters. If I did, I would not be writing this fanfic.  
**

BPOV

It's December 24, 2007. One day before Christmas. Charlie just left to go to the airport. He met this new police woman at work, Wanda Figgs, and things are actually getting pretty serious between them. So for y, he is going to Chicago to meet her parents. It is actually a relief to have him out of the house. He was so nervous about going; he came out with his underwear over his pants! So after I told him that they were called "underpants" for a reason, he turned the brightest color red I have ever seen him turn, and dashed upstairs. So now I sit alone…wait… is that a knock on the window I hear?

I ran upstairs to greet my angel at my bedroom window.

Hmm. Edward is looking strangely feminine today…

APOV

I knocked franticly at Bella's bedroom window. It's really cold out here, even for a vampire!

Oh, good! She's opening it!

"Um, you're not Edward…" she said confused.

"No. I'm Alice."

"I know that. It's just that Edward usually is the one climbing though the window."

"Well, I saw him doing it in a vision, and I thought it looked fun, so I decided to give it a try! Unfortunately, my visions were too fuzzy to see how he opened it. I won't be doing it again though. Climbing up here messed up my manicure." I was really disappointed, I had just gotten my nails done yesterday.

"Ok Alice. Do you have something to tell me?" she asked.

"Well, actually, I have something to ask you. Since you are not doing anything now that Charlie went with Wanda to Chicago, I was, well, we were wondering if you would like to join us in our holiday festivities."

"That depends." She said, "Are we playing truth or dare?"

"No. No truth or dare, just some holiday fun with the Cullens."

"Well, ok, then. I'll go get my stuff together."

"Forget it." I said, "Let me pack for you. You're way to slow. Just drive over there now. I ran."

"Ok then. See you soon, Alice."

**A/N: So is it good? Please review! I have 2 other chapters nearly ready, so more is coming soon!**


	2. The Call

**Christmas with the ****Cullens**

**Chapter 2**

**A/N: I would like to thank my friends DooksTheFerret and Clunk103 for editing. They edit all of my stuff, fyi. **

**Disclainer: I don't own _Twilight_ or its characters. If I did, I would not be righting this.   
**

BPOV

I headed down stairs to perform one last task before I left for the Cullens. I wasn't quite sure what the outcome of it would be, but it was something I had to do. It wasn't the smartest thing to do with Alice in the house, but if she loved me, she would understand.

I picked up the phone and called Jacob. It was the polite thing to do, to wish a friend "Merry Christmas", and I longed to hear my precious werewolf's voice.

To my great disappointment, Billy answered the phone.

"Hello?" he said.

"Um…hi Billy. I just called to say Merry Christmas. Can I talk to Jacob?"

" Jacob? Jacob is…out. For a while. He's…he's at a werewolf meeting…they won't be done for a while."

It was very clear to me that Billy was lying. The fact that he did not ask if I wanted Jacob to call me back did not blow by me.

"Ok…bye then, Bella!" he quickly spit out.

He hung up before I could say goodbye.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I arrived at the beautiful white house, I was not surprised to see that both the house and every pine tree on their property were covered in Christmas lights. While I was gazing at how pretty everything looks dusted with snow, my new family came out and greeted me.

Well, they all came out, but only one actually greeted me, if you could consider it a greeting.

"Bella, Bella!! Come on, you have to see the decorations!!" Alice said, nearly yanking my arms off trying to drag me inside.

"Let go of her, Alice." Edward said. Alice let go.

Edward scooped me up into his arms and gave me a passionate kiss. A much better greeting than the one that Alice gave me.

Once he had carried me into the house and released me, the rest of my family got to say hello.

The house looked amazing. Not that it hadn't before, but Alice did a good job with the Christmas decorations. By Edward's piano sat a humungous, lovely smelling Christmas tree, covered in Swarovski crystal ornaments. The banister was wrapped in garland and tinsel and there was a wreath on every wall. On the rarely used dining room table was a Christmas village, with every little building from a church and lighthouse to the M&M factory.

I was getting hungry, I went into the kitchen to make myself a sandwich (I was now at their house so much that they grocery shopped for me so I wouldn't starve), with Edward watching me. While I was applying mayonnaise, I began to wonder what Cullen's holiday festivities entailed. I was hoping that it wouldn't entail me being question about my phone call to the Blacks.

"Hmmm…that can't be good." Edward said.

"What?" I asked.

"Alice is translating the National Anthem to French…" he replied.

This was beginning to answer my question about what we would be doing tonight. It most likely would not be fun. So I just sat there and ate my sandwich, dreading what was coming, while Edward watched me eat my sandwich.

"So Bella…how's that dog?" he asked curiously.

He knew something.

"His name is Jacob, Edward. And I don't know how he is." I replied, a tad annoyed.

"Oh. Ok." He said.

"Why did you ask?" I asked him.

"Well…Alice said something about having a vision of you calling the Blacks...and I was just wondering what you heard from him."

"I heard nothing from him. Billy answered the phone and said that Jacob would be out for a while…but it seemed like he was making things up as he went along."

"Hmm…"

EPOV

I could tell that I was making Bella uncomfortable by asking her questions about the dog, but I really wanted to avoid whatever event Alice had planned. That's wrong of me…I should not be making her feel uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry, love." I apologized.

"For what?" She asked.

"For making you uncomfortable. I should not have asked about the d-_Jacob_."

"It's Ok…" she said reluctantly.

"Are you done eating?" I asked her.

"Yes." She said putting her plate in the dishwasher.

"Are you ready to go face our doom?" I asked, hoping she would say no.

"No, but I guess we should go anyway. She will be coming to drag us in the-"

"Edward, Bella, come on! It's time for our first game!" Alice interrupted a tad too excited.

Wait…did she say "first game"? Oh no…

**A/N: Review please! 3rd chapter's almost ready... It will be up by Thursday at the latest. **


	3. The Purple Emu

**Christmas with the Cullens**

**Chapter 3**

**Let the Games Begin**

**A/N: Thanks again to DooksTheFerret and Clunk103 for editing! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own _Twilight _or any of its characters.   
**

BPOV

Oh, dear…more than one game! How would I survive?

I walked into the living room to my doom. At least it wasn't truth or dare. Oooo!! Presents! I hope they didn't get me anything too extravagant…

EPOV

Aha! She slipped! Alice stopped translating! I got two words: gift exchange. I wonder what that entails…

Alice began to explain as the other seven of us sat in the large room, wondering what was going to become of the night.

"Alright! We are going to have a gift exchange!" she said excitedly, "Ok. Here's how it works: I have gotten a variety of gifts. Each person will draw a number from this hat and whoever has one will go pick a present (we will go in numerical order from there). Whatever present they choose, they will have to use. So, everyone pick a number…"

"Umm... Alice?" Esme asked while everyone picked a number, "Where is the 'exchange' part in this?"

"Well…this is not how it is usually played…I have put a twist on it…but to answer your question, I am exchanging gifts with you."

"And what are we giving you in return?" Asked Carlisle.

"A good laugh!" Alice replied.

"Uhh…Alice? You did not pick a number." I said, a bit suspicious.

"Well, someone has to record all these precious holiday memories so we can just replay them over and over again…" Alice replied slyly.

"Could that someone be me?" my Bella asked hopelessly.

"Well, I picked out all the presents, so really it would be no fun for me to play." Alice retorted.

Leave it to Alice to weasel herself out of playing one of these stupid humiliating games of hers.

Oh, great. I'm number one. From what I hear, Emmett is 7, Rose is 3, Jasper is 2, Esme is 6, Carlisle is 5, and that makes Bella 4.

"Ok. Who's one?" Alice asked.

"That would be me." I replied. I walked over to the pile of presents and went with a lovely box wrapped in dark blue paper.

APOV

Yes! I knew he would choose this one! This will be good. A secret will spill. Payback for not getting me the Porsche with the doors that vertically swing open.

When he opened the box, I saw a look of horror settle on his face.

"Hmm… a variety of emu-oil products…" He said, staring at them.

"Well…Edward…go, ahead. Put on the lotion and lip balm." I said. The story should be coming soon!

He didn't move.

"Edward, are you an emu-vegetarian or something? Are you unable to use emu products?" Emmett asked. He knew I chose that for a reason. He wanted to know what the reason was.

EPOV

Oh, no. I was going to have to use these!

I had to do it soon, before the questions started coming. I couldn't let Bella, or anyone else for that matter find out my secret. Way to embarrassing.

I reached into the box and pulled out the Purple Emu lip balm. My hands were shaking as I applied the "vomitrocious" lip-healing product.

"Umm...Edward, why are your hands shaking?" Bella questioned.

"Yes, Edward. Why?" Alice asked, with a wide grin on her pixie-like face. She knew what was coming.

_Go ahead, Edward. We're waiting. _Alice repeated over and over.

Soon, there were many more voices in my head, and I couldn't take it anymore.

"Ok, ok. So one day, in my human life, my friend, Henry, decided to take me to an emu farm, to see the eggs hatch. I was sitting on a bench by the fence, waiting for the eggs to hatch. I was eating my lunch, a turkey sandwich, and the emu started to walk in my direction. Henry and I thought that the emu was coming over so that we could pet it, but we were wrong. Apparently, the emu was hungry, and wanted my sandwich! It started to peck me, so I ran. It followed me! I don't know how it got past the fence, but it did, and it chased me around the farm. Henry, the good friend that he was, just stood there and laughed while he watched me being pecked. They set the animal trainer to come stop the emu, but by the time they weren't moving quickly. So eventually, the emu caught up with me, took my sandwich, and bit my finger in the process! Ever since, I've been terrified of anything having to do with emus."

There was a brief silence, broken by Emmett when he burst out into laughter.

EmPOV

Wow. Edward is afraid of emus. What a whimp! Of course, I am afraid of geese, but no one needs to know about that…wait a sec. Get out of my head, bro!

"So you are afraid of geese, Emmett?" My privacy-invading brother said.

"Emmett? You're afraid of _geese_?" Rose verified.

"Well…the loud noises they make scare me!" I stated, though I really wished I hadn't. Everyone had started to laugh, so I decided to put a stop to it to it before their laughter became uncontrollable.

"Moving on…"

"Edward, you never told me you were afraid of ostriches." Said Bella, saving me.

"Emus. And I wasn't planning on telling you. Not exactly the thing to tell your girlfriend, I mean, _fiancé_…or anyone else." He said.

"Now that we have established that Edward and Emmett both have nutty bird fears, I believe it's Jasper's turn." She said as she turned and smiled at Jasper. She must have seen what he opened.

He walked up to the tree and picked up a dark green bag.

Alice was ecstatic. It was making me really curious…and very glad that it wasn't me.

He finally got past the layers of tissue paper and pulled the present out of the bag.

Oh, this was great! It will definitely get everyone's minds off my goose fear.

JPOV

When I saw the present, I became very afraid.

"NO, NO!!" I screamed helplessly, as I was dragged up the stairs to Alice's room.

**A/N: So are you in suspense? Did you like Edward's gift? I am afraid of emus too, and I recently recieved Purple Emu lip balm for my birthday (very good, btw.), if you were wondering. That is not why I am afraid of them though. So review, and next chapter should be up in a week, maybe less depending on my homework load. **


	4. Jasperetta

**Christmas with the Cullens**

**Chapter 4**

**A/N: So sorry for my extreme lack of updates. I lost interest in writing it. Then when I wanted to start writing again I had no time, then I thought it was too late to do anymore, since it is a Christmas tale. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of **_**Twilight**_**. Duh. **

JPOV

Oh, good gosh. I knew what would happen to me when I saw the present. There was no escape.

"Time for a makeover!!!" Alice screamed excitedly once she and Rosalie dragged me up the stairs and into her bathroom.

She took my unwanted present from me and pulled out the nail supplies.

"Really, Alice. My cuticles are fine!"

"Look at all this dirt under your nails! And they are way overgrown!" Rosalie said.

Once they had cleaned my nails, the real torture began.

"What do you think, Rose? Gossip Girl Pink, Fire and Ice, or Kiss Me Coral?" asked Alice.

"Gossip Girl Pink is way to pale for him. Kiss me Coral is ok…though Fire and Ice is a classic. Hmm…Kiss me Coral! Brings out the color in his lips." Rose said.

"Kiss Me Coral it is!" said Alice as she opened the devious little bottle.

"Where are our heads, Alice?" asked Rose, "We have to apply the base coat!"

"Duh! How could we have forgotten?" Alice replied, excited that there was something to prolong the torture.

The horrible smelling clear coat was applied to my nails. Then they gleefully put on the nail polish.

"This looks GREAT!" chimed my evil wife and sister.

I started to move, but…

"Where are you going? We have to apply the top coat for maximum strength!" Alice said.

Once that was done, I knew the worst was still to come. In the makeover kit, there was also hair equipment, make up, and a cheese knife…I did not even want to know what that was for!

"HAIR TIME!!" they screamed, pulling me to the mirror.

Why gosh, why?!

"NO haircuts!" I said firmly. I had to lay down the law before this all got out of hand. Well, it was all ready out of hand. We were onto hair now, but you get the jist.

"Fine, fine." Said Alice, "We'll just dress it up a little." She said with a wink.

They pulled out the hair brushes and hair supplies. There were a variety of hair clips and hair products in there as well.

They started to brush my hair. Then Alice began to feel it…

"Oh Jasper! I never realized how soft your hair was! Rose, feel his hair!"

"Hmm…it is soft. What do you use?"

"I don't know…something that's always in the shower…"

"Wait. What color bottle was it in?" Alice questioned.

"Light blue…" I said.

"Ha!" Alice let out a hardy, high pitched, chuckle.

"What?" I was confused…and a tad worried.

"You've been using my Herbal Essences 'Hello Hydration' shampoo for moisturization!"

"What? I've been using some girly shampoo?!" I exclaimed.

"Did it ever occur to you to read the label on the bottle, Jasper?" Rosalie asked.

"No...It's hard to see in the shower! My eyes are filled with water-"

"And apparently Herbal Essences…" Rose said, cutting me off.

"Well then, let's get on with the makeover." said Alice as she continued to brush my hair.

Rose plugged in the curling iron. "I was thinking curls with a poof. Sound good?" she asked Alice.

"Perfect!"

After some pointless protesting, my hair was done.

"Gorgeous!" The girls shrieked together.

"Time for make-up!" They said.

"Lucky for us, this makeover kit came with Kiss Me Coral lipstick!" said Alice.

Rosalie applied the lipstick, stepped back, and had a good laugh.

"Perfect! Now your mouth and nails match!" Rose said.

"Eyes! I think a light pink would do." Alice said applying the eye shadow.

"No eyeliner, please! Then Edward and Emmett would mock me for looking like a girl and for looking emo!" I pleaded.

"All the more reason to do it!" said Rose, as she cornered me with the eye pencil.

"This blush will go great with his complexion!" said Alice.

"Make-up's done!" They said together. There certainly has been a lot of unison lately.

"Lucky for me, I knew that you were going to pick that gift, so I took the liberty of going out and buying you some clothes to go with your new look!" exclaimed Alice.

More mocking for me!

The dress my sweet, sweet Alice had picked out for me was light pink with large white polka dots. It was knee length, and very flowy. The heels on the shoes were about 4 or 5 inches. The shoe was a white peep-toe pump. Wow. I've been hanging around Alice way too much if I know these terms.

And just to make this more fun, they decided to stuff the top of the dress with paper towels (of course we had no toilet paper.).

"You look fabulous!"They shrieked together.

"Time to show the others!" said Alice, as she and Rosalie helped me helped me out of the room and down the stairs. I was very unstable in the high heels.

Once we got downstairs, Alice and Rosalie presented me to the rest of the family. If only I could think of some kind of mood to send out that would keep them from mocking me…

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are proud to present Jasperetta!" Rose and Alice said together. Now I have a new name! Peachy, just peachy!

I wobbled out into the open living room. Not even my graceful vampire qualities could help me in these shoes. And I still couldn't think of a mood that would stop the mocking. I was doomed.

There was a brief silence when I walked out into plain view. This silence was broken by, of course, Emmett.

"HA HA HA HA HA!" I love Christmas! This is so much better than Edward's creepy fear of emus!

Edward was sitting there with his mouth hanging open, covering Bella's eyes. Once Bella finally removed his hand from her face, her mouth was hanging as low as Edward's.

Carlisle hung his head down, clearly holding back laughter. Esme had the "my poor boy" look on her face.

"Nice poof…" Bella said before bursting out into laughter.

"Oh! Everyone feel his hair!" said Alice,

They all came up and ran their fingers through their hair. They all commented on how soft it was.

"Hmm…Herbal Essences?" asked Bella, holding back more laughter.

"'Hello Hydration'!" exclaimed Alice.

This started a new round of laughter.

"Yes, yes. Jasperetta uses girl shampoo…now I think its Emmett's turn…please…" I said, desperate to change the subject.

"Yes! Emmett, go pick your present!" said Alice excitedly.

Finally, time to focus on someone else.

EmPov

I walked over to the pile of presents. I just hoped mine wouldn't be as bad as Jasper's. Or should I say Jasperetta…HA!

I decided on a box wrapped in blue Santa paper. Alice looked quite pleased. That worried me greatly.

I ripped open the paper to reveal a pink box with silver lettering that told me that this was not going to be fun.

**A/N: It might not have been worth the wait, but at least you got to find out what happened to Jasper. Now what torture awaits Emmett? Review please! **


	5. Goodbye Masculinity

**Christmas with the Cullens**

**Chapter 5**

**Goodbye Masculinity **

**Disclaimer: I obviously own no part of **_**Twilight.**_

EmPOV

Oh no. A Victoria's Secret box.

I opened the terrifying pink box to find a green bra with pink polka dots. It would look lovely on Rosalie, I'm sure, but me…no.

"Come on, Emmett. Show everyone what you got." said Alice, holding back a smile.

I lifted the bra out of the box for everyone to see. Of course, everyone started laughing.

"I'm sure the green will be lovely with your eyes!" said Edward.

"Oh, shut up, bro." I replied.

"Well, how long are you going to keep us waiting?" asked Rose, holding back laughter.

I started to walk up stairs to mine and Rose's room, but I was stopped.

"You can just put it on down here, Emmett. I'm sure we'll all get much enjoyment out of you putting it on!" said Alice. I was really not too fond of her at the moment…

I gave her the evil eye and took off my shirt.

"Wait, wait! Don't do anything yet!" said Bella, who had been quiet all night except for her laughing about "Jasperetta".

She ran out of the room and brought back her camera.

"We should be able to treasure this moment forever!" she explained.

"Yes, Bella! I like the way you think!" said Alice.

"Now if everyone's ready, Emmett, I think there is something we want you to do." I heard Esme say.

"Fine, fine…" I grunted unhooking the bra. Then I looked at the size: 42A. It was very wide…

I reached around my back and tried to hook it. It wasn't working out too well.

Everyone was laughing at my attempt to hook the women's undergarment onto my body.

I finally realized that I might be smartest to bring the hook part around to the front. That proved to be successful. Now to get the straps on…

"Hey! No fair! This…thing is defective! There's only one strap…and its round!" I exclaimed.

"It goes over your head, you bimbo." I heard Edward say under his breath. Afterward I saw Bella give him a rather strange look.

"And you know this because…" I asked.

"Umm…it's common knowledge…" he said.

Yah, right. I couldn't wait to hear that story…

So I pulled the weird looking strap over my head and the strange- looking- cootie- infected piece of underwear was on me. And the laughing begins…

"HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Now. I knew family all too well.

If not being able to fix a car while Rose could didn't destroy my masculinity, I knew that standing here, in a Victoria's Secret bra, complete with polka dots, in front of my family and future sister would.

"Come on, Emmett! Give us a pose!" said Bella, still cracking up. Everyone seemed to like this idea and starting chanting.

"Pose, pose, pose, pose!"

I put both my arms up in the air and stuck out my hip just to shut them up.

They all started to laugh at the under-arm hair I had just exposed.

"Ok. I think it's time to move on to the next person, right Alice?" I pleaded.

"Fine, fine. You recorded all that, right Bella?"

"Of course!" she replied.

Great…I wonder how many times a day that will be watched…

I went to take it off, but Esme stopped me. Esme!

"I think we would all prefer if you left that on, dear."

Of all the things I expected her to say, that was not one of them.

"Fine!" I couldn't bear to argue with my mother figure, but now I would be stuck in this feminine state for the rest of the night! Esme would pay when it came to be her turn…

"Ok! Who's number four?" asked Alice, anxious to humiliate someone else.

The way Bella's face changed from ivory to scarlet answered our question.

**A/N: Sorry it's a bit short…and probably not as funny, but boo-hoo. Please review! **

**Oh, remember when Edward gave advice to Emmett about putting on the bra? I think I might do a one-shot about how he came in contact with a bra. **


	6. Ice Ice Baby

**Christmas with the Cullens**

**Chapter 6**

**Ice Ice Baby**

**A/N: Sorry it's been a few months. I gave up reading Twilight related material for Lent, so I obviously could not write this during the days between Ash Wednesday and Easter. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Did that need saying?**

BPOV

After seeing the torture everyone else put up with, I hoped that maybe I would get sick and would have to go home. Unfortunatley, that did not happen. Until now.

"Bella, are you okay? You look a little green…" Edward asked.

"She's fine, Edward! After she opens her present, all color will drain from her face." Alice assured him.

"That's not much better, Alice!" he retorted.

"I'm fine, Edward, really." I stated. _Let's get this over with…_

I reached for a rectangular box wrapped in green paper with different colored ornaments on it. I took a deep breath and began to tear off the paper to reveal a shoe box. Alice's face was filled with glee. I heard her mumble something to Jasper that sounded like "Is the camera ready?" _Great…_

I lifted up the lid of the box. Instead of the normal box stuffing stuff, there was a pair of gloves, a scarf, and earmuffs.

"Um…" I said. I didn't really see the challenge in this.

"Under those, Bella." Alice said slyly.

I followed her directions and lifted up them up to find a pair of ice skates. Just as Alice had predicted, I felt the color drain from my face.

"Come on now, show everyone what you got!" Alice said, bouncing out of her chair.

I picked up one of the ice skates and lifted it into the air for all eyes to see.

"ALICE! Are you nuts? She'll kill herself!" Edward yelled, protectively wraping his arm arounf me. "You don't have to do it, Bella. I can just take you home and get you out of this…"

"NO!" Jasper shouted, "If I had to undergo a sex change, then Bella has to go ice skating!"

I knew there was no getting out of this, no matter how much Edward fought for me. I whimpered a bit as I slid off my Ugg boots and slid on my new ice skates. Edward knelt down to help me lace them up, which I hadn't the faintest idea of how to do. While he tied up my death shoes, I put on the scarf, earmuffs, and gloves and Emmett brought my jacket over to me.

"So where exactly will I be going to face my doom?"I asked.

"We have a pond out back." Emmett said with an evil grin.

"What? She is not going on that pond!" Edward yelled. "Can't we take her to the ice rink instead?"

"And endanger everyone in Forks? I don't think so." Jasper stated.

Edward let out an angry huff as I cautiously walked to the glass door, trying my hardest not to scratch up the floor with the blades of the skates.

We all got out the door, 'Jasperetta' with the camcorder in hand, Alice and Edward on either side of me to make sure I didn't have a spill _before_ I hit the ice.

I never realized how much property they owned. There had to be at least five acres. I was distracted from my analysis of the land when we approached the pond. _Gosh help me…_

"Ready?" Alice asked eagerly.

"NO!" I said.

"Too bad…" I heard Emmett say.

And then he pushed me onto the ice.

"EMMETT YOU BUTT-FACED MISCREANT!" I bellowed as I quickly tried to resurface anything I might have learned in that one ice skating class I took when I was eight.

The only thing I remembered being taught was how to fall.

And on that note, I fell on my butt.

I fell incorrectly, too. I don't remember it hurting as much when I fell during that lesson…

Oh, right. I had a butt pad.

Naturally, Edward came running to my rescue.

"Bella, love, are you alright? Oh, I knew I knew this was a bad idea! Alice, you suck!" He yelled as the rest of the family cracked up.

"I'm fine Edward…but I think I might need some help getting up…"

He was reaching for my hand when Jasper interrupted. "Oh no you don't! I think we all would like to see her struggle!"

"Wow, Jasper…I've never seen this side of you!" Rosalie jumped in. I had almost forgotten she was there…

"Yah, well, I'm really mad about this whole 'female' thing! But seriously, Bella, I refuse to be the only one humiliated on this tape."

Edward walked away from the ice as I planted my hands on the frozen water to try to boost myself up. To everyone's enjoyment (except mine…), it took me a while to get back to my feet. I tried to escape the horrors of this pond, when Emmett's large figure was blocking the way.

"One fall is not enough, Bella. Humor us…a lot!" he said, suppressing laughter.

I carefully turned around and skated around, very, very slowly. I was doing fine, which was not pleasing Jasper. My torture had to match the level of his humiliation. He looked like he was getting pretty desperate…

"Oh, look, a squirrel!" He shouted. I really thought he was more intelligent than that…

However, his pathetic distraction was enough to have me spaz out and go crashing to the ice once again.

When I got up, my feet slipped out from under me, to everyone's great enjoyment. They were all cracking up, except for Edward, who sat there with what was supposed to be an angry look on his face (it was actually a pretty strange looking face…) and Rosalie, who slapped Emmett. Then Edward started laughing.

"Ow! Jeez Rose, for a girl you can really hit hard…OW! Stop that! But seriously guys, speaking of squirrels, did you realize that they are really just rats with extremely fuzzy tails?"

That comment got him a very odd look.

"Am I done yet?" I asked.

"Hmmm…one more go." Alice decided.

I rose once again, making sure my feet were firmly planted down. I steadied myself and I was gliding around once again.

_Hmm…this whole skating thing might not be so bad after all, minus that falling thing…yah! I'm getting that knack of this! This is kind of fun…maybe I should start taking lessons… _

"OH MY GOSH! Squirrels really are rats with fuzzy tails!" Alice yelped, bringing me out of my tranquil state, causing me to fall on my butt once again.

"ALICE! You couldn't keep your comments to yourself!" I fumed. All positive thoughts of ice skating had vanished from my mind.

Then I saw the squirrel Alice was marveling at.

"You. YOU! You, you FRUITCAKE!" I shouted at it. It obviously was offended by the name I called it, because it abruptly took its fuzzy tail up a tree.

"Are you satisfied NOW, Jasper?" I asked angrily. But my anger did not carry over to him, because he was bent over cracking up.

"Yes…I'm…satisfied." He managed to get out in between chuckles.

Then there was a loud 'clunk', followed by Emmett rubbing his head.

"Ow…"

"What now, you big baby?" Rosalie so lovingly asked him.

"The squirrel…he threw his walnut at me! Hey, it's not funny, guys! It was one forceful walnut!"

Once we were all done laughing, everyone started getting cold and we walked back up to the house.

Edward set up a fire in the fire place and I made hot chocolate for myself, very pleased that they were all stocked up for me.

"Ok guys…only one person left to go! I wonder who it could be..." Alice said sarcastically.

"I'm coming, I'm coming…" Rosalie said, clearly not looking forward to facing the humiliation that the other four of us endured.

**A/N: Hope it was worth the wait! Review please...you know you want to! And happy belated Easter…I know I had one! It was filled with lovely dresses and a certain three shiny black books. **


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